Chuck: I was a little hesitant about doing this interview after the last few you had with Rolling Stone.You're starting to get a reputation as a loose canon.

Jim: I don't know why, Chuck.

Chuck: Well you've said some controversial things in the past.

Jim: Such as?

Chuck: Didn't you say that 'people who put mustard on hamburgers deserve to die' at a symposium on partical physics at CERN?

Jim: I think you're taking that out of context.

Chuck: Okay. What was the context?

Jim: I was talking about people who put mustard on hamburgers.

Chuck: And...

Jim: And I thought it was a bad thing.

Chuck: But to suggest they deserve to die seems a bit extreme, don't you think?

Jim: First people are putting mustard on hamburgers, then they're taking drugs and having premarital sex. Where does it end?

Chuck: Does it have to end?

Jim: Oh God, I hope not. I just don't think everyone should do it. It would be a dangerous world if the guy removing your gall bladder was using the anethesia on himself.

Chuck: I guess I'm just trying to figure out where you're coming from.

Jim: New Jersey.

Chuck: I mean philosophically.

Jim: I've been reading a lot of Ludwig Von Mises lately.

Chuck: No, I mean you're general outlook on life. Your latest CD, 'Buyer Beware' is pretty dark.

Jim: Okay. But people who take my lyrics seriously are even dumber than I am. I mean, the only thing more frustrating than someone who can't take a joke, is someone who doesn't know you're joking. Then you have to sit there and explain everything to them.

Chuck: Why did you choose 'Buyer Beware' as a Title?

Jim: It's called truth in advertising.

Chuck: Okay, lets talk about some of your relationships.

Jim: I really try not to kiss and tell, Chuck.

Chuck: How about Brittney Spears?

Jim: I fucked her.

Chuck: Liza Gibbons?

Jim: Fucked her good. She used to do this thing with her...

Chuck: What about Kathy Lee Gifford?

Jim: Banged her.

Chuck: Jessica Simpson?

Jim: Bang.

Chuck: Rachel Sampos?

Jim: She banged my dog, Hildeguard. I lost interest after that.

Chuck: Kelly Ripa?

Jim: Still on the New Jersey Turnpike for all I know.

Chuck: Martha Stewart?

Jim: I was drinking a lot in those days.

Chuck: Sandra Bullock?

Jim: Could have. Would have. Don't know what happened there.

Chuck: Britney Murphy?

Jim: Check.

Chuck: I'm starting to see a pattern here.

Jim: I usually see funny colors. Or people turning into rabbits. My doctor says they're just flashbacks though.

Chuck: No, I mean you seem to have a reputation for loving and leaving famous starlets.

Jim: I'm a busy man, Chuck. Places to go, people to see. I'm not ready to settle down yet. Maybe when I'm on medicare.

Chuck: Let's talk about money. Rumour has it that you lost all your money in the stock market buying high and selling low. Doesn't that go against all conventional wisdom.

Jim: Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. You're so naive. How do you think the big boys make all their money? By following rules?

Chuck:Well there are some rules that are used because they're common sense. How can you possibly make money selling stocks for less than you paid for them

Jim: It gets pretty complicated, Chuck, and I'd rather not go into it now.

Chuck:Well, I guess I have enough information.

Jim: That's what the doctors said before they had me committed.

Chuck:Then it's a good thing I'm not a doctor.

Jim: That is is, Chuck. That it is.